Post by rugbygirl on Oct 29, 2009 17:35:56 GMT
Hey
I haven't posted much but I just wanted to get a few opinions on my predicament. Its kind of long, I promise to make this interesting!
I'm 23 years old and my family, not my parents, have started to find potential suitors for me.
Just to give you a bit of background about my family, it might help you understand my sitation.
My dad's side of the family mainly consists of Orthodox Amritdhari Sikhs. My mothers family are the all singing all drinking louts. I mainly raised by members from dads side. And thank God that I was. So this means I have a semi-traditionalist Orthodox view on some things.
I'm 23 years old and my family, not my parents, have started to seek potential suitors for me.
Its getting really embarrasing, especially when I go to weddings and other large gatherings where its a like a meat market. I cant smply enjoy the party wihout people asking my mum and dad whether they are ''looking'' for me. Let me be the first to admit that I am not the prettiest girl in the room, I dont really do the whole make up and new suit thing. I have to really be in the mood to go suit shopping with my mum, its not something I can just get up and'tdo! Dont get me wrong I dont condemn those girls and some boys! who do want to get dolled up and make a effort, in fact more power to you, but it just isn't my scene. Plus I cant apply make up properly anyway, you should see me with eye-liner.
Also, whilst I am not obese, I am more curvy than the average Indian girl. I have wider hips and bigger arse and chest and that gives the heavy-set appearance. I do look after myself though, I work out regularly.
So when the elders of other families see me at weddings after my mum has pointed me out they dont seem to be keen on me!
My gran constantly tells me that I need to lose weight. My gran returns home from weddings and tells me how gorgeous the bride was, how tall and slim she was, her skin was as white as milk. I dont think I'm dark just like a typical North indian skin tone. I remind her that the bride she just saw has had herself made up a profesional make up artist who has put on shed-load of make up on her to make her look good. Does she listen...
And then there is me....
I dont like the idea of arranged marriage or indeed the idea of getting married and these are my reasons.
1. The idea of meeting someone through family nad friends, going on a few meetings to Pizza Hut and then deciding whether I want to marry them, really scares me! Yes, I can hear you all now saying, ''thats not how we do things in this day and age''. But in my family we do. We are a very traditional family in some ways and none of my cousins had contact with their future spouses in the run up to their weddings. It is frowned upon. One has sadly become divorced and many of the others are in quite unhappy and abusive marriages. Plus with these arrangements you only ever see one side to a person - their good side. I know sometimes people can be quick to criticise love marraiges but at least with these type of unions you get to see all sides to that person - the good and the bad, then you are in a better position to make an informed decison whether you want to be with that person or not.
2. The sheer mounting costs of weddings year upon year bloody astounds me. What with the size and the exclusivity of the venue, the entertainment, the amont of people, the amount of booze, catering, chocolate fountains, brass band, dancers etc...
I said to my mum that if I get married I dont want a reception, each wedding I go to gets more ridiculous and its not really to my taste. I would rather have my wedding at the Gurdwara, Guru Ka langar after the Anand Karaj. My mum is quite right when people will say that we're cheap and that they never gave me a good send off. There are people in my own immediate family who would slag off my family if we did this never mind anyone else. My mums families are big, big drinkers you see.I just hate this idea of pleasing others and others expecting extravagance. Its a really bad thing in our otherwise rich culture. Furthermore, no one is going to want to marry me if my parents dont stump up with the ''Karcha'' - expense.
I do know that if did have a reception where meat and alcohol was served my dads side of the family would not attend because it would conflict with their religion, which I really respect. My mums side of the family are saying that there is no point in a wedding if I dont have a party-sharty. At least if I get to do it my way, the people who matter and actaully want to attend would be there.
Then there is the cost. I do know quite a bit about my parents finances and I know that there is no way on this Gods earth that they will be able to afford a wedding like I have described above. I am one of 3 girls too. No boys. So it would be even harder.
3. Every lad I see these days is into the sharabi culture. I know alot who drink excessivly too. Jazzy B and the like only perpetuate this. I'm sorry but he does, his videos on BritAsia make me cringe. Also my mums side of the family say that no one is going to want a vegetarian girl. I was never taught to cook meat - only veg dishes. Not for entirely reasons but also because of moral and ethical reasons. Some Indians, like my mothers family who are complete uneducated Bas!*rds, dont seem to understand this. Even White English people get it.
4. This last reason is more personal. I dont wish to have children. I guess I am not very maternal and children dont really excite me. My mum and dad are fine with this. I would be such a crap mum and the who notion of pregnancy and childbirth fills me with dread. My feelings might change but I doubt they will. I think people just have kids because they are epected to and not always because they want to. How many childless Asian couples do you know? I know of one and one only.
So to conclude, my predicament is trying to find that elusive spouse. Someone who understands me and my views and my 2 very different families! I ave explained this to my parents and they understand me completely. They are British born too, so that makes easier for them to understand the issues. They went through simiar stuff except theres was more along the lines of Am I British or Am I Indian. They said it was quite tough growing up in the 1970's, where the issue identity was always cropping up.
So anyone else in my shoes and fed up of this whole thing?!
Look forward to hearing from you.
I haven't posted much but I just wanted to get a few opinions on my predicament. Its kind of long, I promise to make this interesting!
I'm 23 years old and my family, not my parents, have started to find potential suitors for me.
Just to give you a bit of background about my family, it might help you understand my sitation.
My dad's side of the family mainly consists of Orthodox Amritdhari Sikhs. My mothers family are the all singing all drinking louts. I mainly raised by members from dads side. And thank God that I was. So this means I have a semi-traditionalist Orthodox view on some things.
I'm 23 years old and my family, not my parents, have started to seek potential suitors for me.
Its getting really embarrasing, especially when I go to weddings and other large gatherings where its a like a meat market. I cant smply enjoy the party wihout people asking my mum and dad whether they are ''looking'' for me. Let me be the first to admit that I am not the prettiest girl in the room, I dont really do the whole make up and new suit thing. I have to really be in the mood to go suit shopping with my mum, its not something I can just get up and'tdo! Dont get me wrong I dont condemn those girls and some boys! who do want to get dolled up and make a effort, in fact more power to you, but it just isn't my scene. Plus I cant apply make up properly anyway, you should see me with eye-liner.
Also, whilst I am not obese, I am more curvy than the average Indian girl. I have wider hips and bigger arse and chest and that gives the heavy-set appearance. I do look after myself though, I work out regularly.
So when the elders of other families see me at weddings after my mum has pointed me out they dont seem to be keen on me!
My gran constantly tells me that I need to lose weight. My gran returns home from weddings and tells me how gorgeous the bride was, how tall and slim she was, her skin was as white as milk. I dont think I'm dark just like a typical North indian skin tone. I remind her that the bride she just saw has had herself made up a profesional make up artist who has put on shed-load of make up on her to make her look good. Does she listen...
And then there is me....
I dont like the idea of arranged marriage or indeed the idea of getting married and these are my reasons.
1. The idea of meeting someone through family nad friends, going on a few meetings to Pizza Hut and then deciding whether I want to marry them, really scares me! Yes, I can hear you all now saying, ''thats not how we do things in this day and age''. But in my family we do. We are a very traditional family in some ways and none of my cousins had contact with their future spouses in the run up to their weddings. It is frowned upon. One has sadly become divorced and many of the others are in quite unhappy and abusive marriages. Plus with these arrangements you only ever see one side to a person - their good side. I know sometimes people can be quick to criticise love marraiges but at least with these type of unions you get to see all sides to that person - the good and the bad, then you are in a better position to make an informed decison whether you want to be with that person or not.
2. The sheer mounting costs of weddings year upon year bloody astounds me. What with the size and the exclusivity of the venue, the entertainment, the amont of people, the amount of booze, catering, chocolate fountains, brass band, dancers etc...
I said to my mum that if I get married I dont want a reception, each wedding I go to gets more ridiculous and its not really to my taste. I would rather have my wedding at the Gurdwara, Guru Ka langar after the Anand Karaj. My mum is quite right when people will say that we're cheap and that they never gave me a good send off. There are people in my own immediate family who would slag off my family if we did this never mind anyone else. My mums families are big, big drinkers you see.I just hate this idea of pleasing others and others expecting extravagance. Its a really bad thing in our otherwise rich culture. Furthermore, no one is going to want to marry me if my parents dont stump up with the ''Karcha'' - expense.
I do know that if did have a reception where meat and alcohol was served my dads side of the family would not attend because it would conflict with their religion, which I really respect. My mums side of the family are saying that there is no point in a wedding if I dont have a party-sharty. At least if I get to do it my way, the people who matter and actaully want to attend would be there.
Then there is the cost. I do know quite a bit about my parents finances and I know that there is no way on this Gods earth that they will be able to afford a wedding like I have described above. I am one of 3 girls too. No boys. So it would be even harder.
3. Every lad I see these days is into the sharabi culture. I know alot who drink excessivly too. Jazzy B and the like only perpetuate this. I'm sorry but he does, his videos on BritAsia make me cringe. Also my mums side of the family say that no one is going to want a vegetarian girl. I was never taught to cook meat - only veg dishes. Not for entirely reasons but also because of moral and ethical reasons. Some Indians, like my mothers family who are complete uneducated Bas!*rds, dont seem to understand this. Even White English people get it.
4. This last reason is more personal. I dont wish to have children. I guess I am not very maternal and children dont really excite me. My mum and dad are fine with this. I would be such a crap mum and the who notion of pregnancy and childbirth fills me with dread. My feelings might change but I doubt they will. I think people just have kids because they are epected to and not always because they want to. How many childless Asian couples do you know? I know of one and one only.
So to conclude, my predicament is trying to find that elusive spouse. Someone who understands me and my views and my 2 very different families! I ave explained this to my parents and they understand me completely. They are British born too, so that makes easier for them to understand the issues. They went through simiar stuff except theres was more along the lines of Am I British or Am I Indian. They said it was quite tough growing up in the 1970's, where the issue identity was always cropping up.
So anyone else in my shoes and fed up of this whole thing?!
Look forward to hearing from you.
lol ( jokes asides)
** LOLLL
