|
Post by realjatti on Jul 16, 2006 4:38:56 GMT
This is a story of a very dear friend of mine... she belongs to a particular Muslim caste which i dint want to mention. anyways,she has been in love with Muslim Pakistani man for abt 8 years.they desperately wanted to get married,however the family of the girl did not agree as they were of a diff caste than the boy.My friend is an educated,smart and modern woman but still she was concerned of her family Honor and agreed to get married to her cousin as the family told her.Her boyfriend unhappy though supports her 100%. all this time i have seen her in pain fulfilling her family duties ignoring herself.today when i saw her leaving her family after the wedding and crying,i couldn't stop wondering whether she took the right decision. on the top of that she is moving overseas with her husband away form her established life. while she left i told her that this was a new start and that she should make the most of it,considering that maybe this man she was now married to wud maybe be a good man.i felt it was it unfair for her,her boyfriend and her husband.they all would be suffering.her husband as well has expectations and fears as she has. we all have a past but your past never grows off you. but as she left she turned around and asked me...did i make the right decision?i froze.... i know this may sound like a regular Hindi movie story...but i still wonder: what do you think she should have done?
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 1, 2006 9:27:47 GMT
^^Its a difficult situation to be in. Even tho she has made the decision to keep her family happy, i bet her heart is aching for the love of her life. Making the decsision that she did is only a short-term ''happiness'' decision. soon her heart will ache so much for the love of her life that she will one day leave, n go to the love of her life. Iknow it seems a bit fairtale-ish, but its true!
You need to do whats right in YOUR HEART!!
|
|
|
Post by Kid aka Mrs Dhoni =] on Aug 1, 2006 9:33:11 GMT
[glow=red,2,300] @ the end of the day, she wantd 2 make her parents happy... which we all want to do... but @ times it aint as easy as dat...
but then agen, she wants to live a happy life with the man she loves... and stil wants her families honour...
now im not a muslim, and nor am i a fully 100% religious sikh... but @ the end of the day... i wud want to make my parents happy and not disappoint them... but make myslf happy too..
if a arranged marriage suits them and dnt suit me, i wud hav 2 dicsuss it wid them... coz NO ONE can commit the rest of my life to sum 1 i neva knew existed, and to sum 1 i dnt no...
but yet they cud commit my life to sum i hav known for a while, some1 they love and want to be with![/glow]
|
|
|
Post by jagmohan on Aug 1, 2006 9:35:19 GMT
It all depends on the parents....
are they STRICT - wana arrange you off to somebody Of their choice only !- and WONT CONSIDER YOU MARRYING ANYONE YOU LIKE?
Are they FLEXIBLE? ?- Dont mind you marrying a guy of your choice -which they will be ok with!
Are they SEMI STRICT/FLEXIBLE ?? Dont mind you marrying a guy of your choice, ON THE CONDITION that he has is rich, and drives a porsh--- (That is an example)..
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 1, 2006 17:06:45 GMT
^^my family are strict! but only wen it comes to me n my sister. it was absolutely forbidden for me n my sis to have a luv marriage... but my bro;s have all had a luv marriage. mine is a semi-arranged marriage..coz i saw him, n likedhim n then told my folks that id seen a possible match.. n then it was outa my control after that...
|
|
|
Post by kidterra on Aug 1, 2006 18:08:07 GMT
lmao!!!!!!!! i like the way bunny drops her life and wedding into every thread, its classic, lolllllll.
Bout the subject of the thread, its a tough one, the girl never really had a choice did she...
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 1, 2006 19:24:17 GMT
^^lol....wot??!! I was just giving an example...
;D ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 1, 2006 20:41:52 GMT
My friend is an educated,smart and modern woman but still she was concerned of her family Honor and agreed to get married to her cousin as the family told her. Thats just DISGUSTING! getting married 2 ur own cuzn. how cud she? URRGGGHH!
|
|
|
Post by x*x*x(R0J££)x*x*x on Aug 1, 2006 21:34:07 GMT
^^^i agree
its yuk
but that aint the issue here
she shud av dun wut she thought ws best
if she isnt happy with her life now that shes married..shes clearly made the wrong decision!
if she is happy now that shes married...then its alllllllllll gud ;D ;D ;D
|
|
|
Post by jagmohan on Aug 2, 2006 1:26:28 GMT
Girls... if you were in that Position - Marrying the NON love of your life - when you wanted 2 be with somebody you loved
when you are married to the Arranged guy, would you tell that that you are only in this marriage because your parents did it, and that you wanted to be with somebody else ?
or would you lie to your husband and say nothing + play happy familes ?
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 2, 2006 9:55:03 GMT
^^u wudnt b able to ''playhappy families'' forever. sooner or later your real feelings wil take over and get to the point where u cannot pretend anymore
|
|
|
Post by S on Aug 2, 2006 15:22:48 GMT
I think it's an issue of whether she thinks her parents blessings and wishes are more important than her previous partner or not. If she was REALLY in love with her previous partner, then I think she would be able to do anything to stay with him surely? Including going against her parents wishes. (A little something I learnt from my own mom! - If you do "love" somebody, u should be able to see it all the way through regardless of what the world tells u!) (To an extent of course) If she's gone ahead with this marriage, then it would be even worse to break it off a few years down the line because she wanted to marry her previous partner.. that would bring more shame to her family surely? Whether she's made the right decision or not doesn't really matter anymore, because she's done it now. Perhaps she can still lead a successful married life from now onwards Talking of Hindi films - ever seen Bewafa? Kareena Kapoor.... she was in a similar situation right? (Only with kids from her husband's widow!) The point was - eventually she selflessly put her parent's wishes before her own urges to be with someone else.
|
|
|
Post by rickyduggal on Aug 2, 2006 20:52:00 GMT
at the end of the day, it's who you are going to marry and maybe spend the rest of your life with.
and i know people want to make their parents happy, but should life always have to revolve around them?
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 2, 2006 20:57:47 GMT
she stil shudnt b marryin her cuzn! inbred f**ks
|
|
|
Post by prestonians on Aug 6, 2006 14:38:51 GMT
This is a story of a very dear friend of mine... she belongs to a particular Muslim caste which i dint want to mention. anyways,she has been in love with Muslim Pakistani man for abt 8 years.they desperately wanted to get married,however the family of the girl did not agree as they were of a diff caste than the boy.My friend is an educated,smart and modern woman but still she was concerned of her family Honor and agreed to get married to her cousin as the family told her.Her boyfriend unhappy though supports her 100%. all this time i have seen her in pain fulfilling her family duties ignoring herself.today when i saw her leaving her family after the wedding and crying,i couldn't stop wondering whether she took the right decision. on the top of that she is moving overseas with her husband away form her established life. while she left i told her that this was a new start and that she should make the most of it,considering that maybe this man she was now married to wud maybe be a good man.i felt it was it unfair for her,her boyfriend and her husband.they all would be suffering.her husband as well has expectations and fears as she has. we all have a past but your past never grows off you. but as she left she turned around and asked me...did i make the right decision?i froze.... i know this may sound like a regular Hindi movie story...but i still wonder: what do you think she should have done? SHE SHOULDNT HAVE GOT INVOLVED WITH THIS OTHER DUDE IN THE FIRST PLACE. SI ITS HER OWN FAULT. BUT SHE IS MAKING IT OUT SHE IS THE VICTIM. AAS A BHATRA I KNOW HOW MUCH FAMILY PRIDE MEANS AND KEEPING TH HONOUR. SO I UNDERSTAND WHERE HER PARENTS ARE COMMING FROM. MAYBE OTHER CASTES ARE DIFFERENT AND HAVE DIFFERENT CULTRE SO TO SPEAK. GIRLS SEEM TO FALL IN THIS TRAP OF ALWAYS SOMETING THEY CANT HAVE THUS IT BECOMES MORE DESIRABLE.
|
|
|
Post by JKD on Aug 6, 2006 20:15:27 GMT
thing is.. if she knew that it wasn't likely that she could marry the guy from another caste then she shud have refrained from gettin so close..eight years is along time.. but then again u can't help who u fall for.
i think her parents have been really selfish.. how can her parents say that they did it for her best.. cos they've jus put her in an emotional dillema shes gonna have to deal with her whole life.
its sad that situations cum this far.. but then again she married now.. in another place.. jus hope her the best.. n i hope her husband treats her well n keeps her happy. Rab Rakha.
|
|
|
Post by jagmohan on Aug 8, 2006 15:33:56 GMT
how can her parents say that they did it for her best.. cos they've jus put her in an emotional dillema shes gonna have to deal with her whole life. Yea comes down to how understanding the parents are. If they are understanding they wouldnt have put her thro it, and mabey considered marrying their daughter somebody she loves and chooses, afterall they want their daugher to be happy - which means considering her marry somebody she wants to be with....
- She obviouisly aint gona get much happyness if she is marrying some other arranged guy, who isnt of her choice.
That would feel more like a fake relationship (as she has feelings for the other guy she loves, and broke it off with)
|
|
|
Post by JKD on Aug 8, 2006 21:51:42 GMT
how can her parents say that they did it for her best.. cos they've jus put her in an emotional dillema shes gonna have to deal with her whole life. That would feel more like a fake relationship (as she has feelings for the other guy she loves, and broke it off with) well sed dude.. its not fair on the guy who shes marrying hunna.. parents should think about what they would feel like if they wer in that situation.. i mean the father should think.. wat if he was the guy whos marrying the lass? is it fair on him.. i mean having someone forced to love u isnt the best of feelings.. and the mother should think.. wat if she was in love with sum1 and she couldn't have him and had to spend her rest of her life with sum1 she didnt even want.. its sad.. but alot of parents aren't adapting into modern society.. im not saying parents shud say to the kids.. go n find whoever.. sleep around.. n let us know who u wana marry.. im saying keep it arranged .. but only if the kid is up for it .. and theres enough trust between the kids n rents.. arranged marriages can and do work.. but the system needs to be updated bigtym ok hav i totally drifted off topic like?
|
|
|
Post by Bunnypie on Aug 8, 2006 22:37:16 GMT
but its her f**kin cuzn! stupid inbred f**kers!
|
|
|
Post by rickyduggal on Aug 8, 2006 22:51:25 GMT
Bunny2, ur so mean.
its part of Islamic culture isnt it!
we don't have a choice,
i do agree, i don;t think it's right, but Muslims obviosuly do, so LET IT BE!
|
|
|
Post by JKD on Aug 8, 2006 23:13:47 GMT
ooo aho....yhh i forgot to mention.. within family.. even if its distance... wrong man. i mean apneh dont even let each other marry if u got same goohth (surname) or if u from same pind.. and thats got nuthing to do with blood relations.. and bunnypie.. thora chill kar yaar..
|
|
|
Post by lilsaj on Aug 8, 2006 23:58:01 GMT
^^Its a difficult situation to be in. Even tho she has made the decision to keep her family happy, i bet her heart is aching for the love of her life. Making the decsision that she did is only a short-term ''happiness'' decision. soon her heart will ache so much for the love of her life that she will one day leave, n go to the love of her life. Iknow it seems a bit fairtale-ish, but its true! You need to do whats right in YOUR HEART!! Thank god everyone doesnt think like u bunnypie...
|
|
|
Post by realjatti on Aug 9, 2006 1:11:59 GMT
people always talk abt parents and that we need to understand that they r doin the best for us...but when in life do they actually start understanding us for a change...before we girls get married or after? i mean i completely agree that one needs to respect them and all....when i become a parent atleast i m not gonna demand that my kids understand me n my sentiments.
p.s all parents are not like that of course p.p.s parents earn ur kids respect n vice versa
|
|
|
Post by JKD on Aug 9, 2006 10:46:07 GMT
p.s all parents are not like that of course p.p.s parents earn ur kids respect n vice versa VAH!! kya kehne.. very well sed..(exalt) lol
|
|
|
Post by dallysmrs on Mar 6, 2007 21:28:53 GMT
arghhh well.....
in this case i've seen things like this happen with my own eyes n no not in movies lol my sisters best m8 loved this guy for 10years n she a sikh gyal right her the man she loved was muslim but her parents wouldnt agree n got her engaged she had a two years engagemnt and she tried 2 believe she was doin the right thing by marryin this guy her famili wanted her 2 but 2 weeks before the wedding day she couldnt do it anymore she realised she's betrayin her self,her famili,her husbnd 2 b,n the guy she loves,aswell as her very own heart so she got up n left home her faili cursed her n told her she will never b happi in life he will leave her etc but now she is married 2 the love of her life n they have been married for 6years they have twins n they are so happi dnt get me wrong she hasnt converted at all n nore has he they believe in both religions but most off all they believ in tru love they say theres onli 1 god and he lies inside u follow ur heart n thats the right thing dnt listen 2 ya mind n betray ur heart u will never b happi.
|
|