Post by James Bond on Mar 16, 2004 10:24:03 GMT
The Pre-Booty Call Agreement.
This official pre-booty call agreement (herein after referred to as "The Agreement") is entered into on this _____ day of __________, 2000, by ____________________and___________________________. The following rules of boot knocking shall be strictly adhered to by the above named parties:
1. No sleeping over.
2. No meeting in public.
3. No calls before 2 A.M.
4. No use of non-sexual language (i.e. love, marriage, kids, etc.).
5. No emotional discussions. [e.g. Where are we heading with this? You know where it's heading!!]
6. No plans made in advance... it's why you're called the "backup"
7. No non-sexual gifts (Altoids not included).
8. No table etiquette (all eating/sucking must be loud and messy).
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers. (in fact, no conversations at all is a plus).
10. No hugging (too intimate).
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be).
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "Honestly, I was thinking about Heidi Klum/Tyson Beckford", are completely acceptable).
13. No extra clothing (I don't want you leaving anything behind that my real man/woman might find!).
14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex.
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don't care! I'll get mine... you worry about yours!)
16. I will not walk you to the door/car... for any reason.
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend".
18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and I let you ride). Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact, the more spanking noises, the better.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes. If one party is not sufficiently aroused he/she is required to fake it to the best of their ability so that the other may get their rocks off effectively.
20. Each party will be responsible for their own jewels. If for any reason a party chooses not to use or take protection, the other party shall have the right to use the standard escape statements of "It's not mine!" and/or, "You didn't get it from me".
The aforementioned rules may not be altered or amended for any reason
whatsoever. If any party attempts to change or alter any terms of this
Agreement, this Agreement will automatically become null and void and the
parties hereto will have no further rights or obligations arising out of
the subject matter hereof and therefore have full rights to kick your ass
to the curb!
Signed:
_____________________________
Booty Caller
_____________________________
Booty Callee
_____________________________
Witness or Third Party Participant
This official pre-booty call agreement (herein after referred to as "The Agreement") is entered into on this _____ day of __________, 2000, by ____________________and___________________________. The following rules of boot knocking shall be strictly adhered to by the above named parties:
1. No sleeping over.
2. No meeting in public.
3. No calls before 2 A.M.
4. No use of non-sexual language (i.e. love, marriage, kids, etc.).
5. No emotional discussions. [e.g. Where are we heading with this? You know where it's heading!!]
6. No plans made in advance... it's why you're called the "backup"
7. No non-sexual gifts (Altoids not included).
8. No table etiquette (all eating/sucking must be loud and messy).
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers. (in fact, no conversations at all is a plus).
10. No hugging (too intimate).
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be).
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "Honestly, I was thinking about Heidi Klum/Tyson Beckford", are completely acceptable).
13. No extra clothing (I don't want you leaving anything behind that my real man/woman might find!).
14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex.
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don't care! I'll get mine... you worry about yours!)
16. I will not walk you to the door/car... for any reason.
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girlfriend/boyfriend".
18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and I let you ride). Reason for doggie style: the less eye contact, the more spanking noises, the better.
19. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes. If one party is not sufficiently aroused he/she is required to fake it to the best of their ability so that the other may get their rocks off effectively.
20. Each party will be responsible for their own jewels. If for any reason a party chooses not to use or take protection, the other party shall have the right to use the standard escape statements of "It's not mine!" and/or, "You didn't get it from me".
The aforementioned rules may not be altered or amended for any reason
whatsoever. If any party attempts to change or alter any terms of this
Agreement, this Agreement will automatically become null and void and the
parties hereto will have no further rights or obligations arising out of
the subject matter hereof and therefore have full rights to kick your ass
to the curb!
Signed:
_____________________________
Booty Caller
_____________________________
Booty Callee
_____________________________
Witness or Third Party Participant