Post by badman on Oct 15, 2006 3:03:33 GMT
Why did Sham Lal throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
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What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
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Sita: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Sham Lal: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
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Sham Lal: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Rham Lal Oh! That’s terrible.
Sham Lal: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
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Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
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Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
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Rham Lal Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Sham Lal: It beats, beats, beats.
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Once Professor Sham Lal asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
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Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Rham Lal is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
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Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
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Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Rham Lal "Why don't you use a mouth wash
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
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Sham Lal walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Sham Lal whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Sham Lal: Life imprisonment!
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Sham Lal found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
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Petrol ke rate badhne par Sham Lal bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Sham Lal: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha Sham Lal 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Sham Lal: patta hai tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
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Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu keha tha, Likha kyu nahi ?
Sham Lal: Ki karda master g, jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia woh baagh geya!!!
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Sham Lal was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Sham Lal: I think I'll take the money.
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Why did Sham Lal take his pregnant wife sita to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
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How do you recognize Sham Lal's son, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
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A lady asked Sham Lal: LIPTON di chah hai?
Sham Lal replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat jao...
102)
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Sham Lal: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Rham Lal Me too, after u leave.
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Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Sham Lal: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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Rham Lal ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun Rham Lal?
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GITA: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Rham Lal :Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
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Sham Lal: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Rham Lal What’s he studying?"
Sham Lal: He's not studying, they are studying him!
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Rham Lal Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Sham Lal: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
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Sham Lal standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Rham Lal Sham Lal u'll die.
Sham Lal: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
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Nurse: Congrats Sham Lal ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Sham Lal: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Don’t rush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
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What’s missing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you’ll get a heart! If u pick U, you’ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
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To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
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I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
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Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long!
Sham Lal phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
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History teacher asked Sham Lal: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Sham Lal: Adidas
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Sham Lal giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Sham Lal: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
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Sham Lal: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
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Sham Lal's shayari in punjabi : Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh nahi sakda, main tere bina hun reh nahi sakda.
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Sham Lal: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Sham Lal: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
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Teacher to Sham Lal: where were you born?
Sham Lal: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Sham Lal (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
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Sham Lal: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Sham Lal: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
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Sham Lal looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
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While walking in the highlands Sham Lal fell down a deep hole.
Rham Lal R u ok?
Sham Lal: Yeah!
Rham Lal Did u break anything?
Sham Lal: No, there's nothing down here.
Sham Lal & Rham Lal sending sms 2 their gfs. Sham Lal:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Rham Lal No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?
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Sham Lal opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
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Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Sham Lal: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
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Sham Lal's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told Sham Lal, "you are pregnant".
Angry Sham Lal shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
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Sham Lal and Rham Lal went for a drive.
Sham Lal: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Rham Lal puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
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Sham Lal (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Sham Lal: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Sham Lal: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
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Sham Lal was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Rham Lal Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Sham Lal: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
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Sham Lal's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Sham Lal consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Sham Lal: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Rham Lal "B.A."
Sham Lal: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
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Why did Sham Lal keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
Sham Lal: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
1
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Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Sham Lal asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
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An englishman and Sham Lal inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Sham Lal: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
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Sham Lal to Pappu: Where's gaht in banaras?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Sham Lal: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Rham Lal?
Sham Lal: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
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Mr Sham Lal yelled at Sham Lal: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Sham Lal: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!
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Sham Lal went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time Sham Lal asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?" Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye."
1
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Sham Lal: Do you know English?
Rham Lal Yes
Sham Lal: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Rham Lal So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
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Sham Lal apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Sham Lal : I am falling in love.
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Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Sham Lal: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
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Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Sham Lal: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Sham Lal: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Sham Lal dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Sham Lal: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Sham Lal: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
153)
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Sham Lal: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
138)
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Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long...!
96)
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Sham Lal ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Sham Lal naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Sham Lal: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Sham Lal: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Rham Lal Gold ring de de.
Sham Lal: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Rham Lal Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
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Rham Lal Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Sham Lal: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.
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A lady calls Sham Lal for repairing door bell.
Sham Lal doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Sham Lal replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
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Lady to inspector Sham Lal: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Sham Lal: Why don't u cook something else?
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Sham Lal waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Sham Lal in punjabi: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
Girl: Will u marry me?
Sham Lal: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
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Sham Lal: Bhagwan suit bahut sundhar paya hai.
Sita: Thank u G
Sham Lal: Lipstick bahut sundhar laayi aa.
Sita: Thank u G.
Sham Lal: Shingaar v bahut sundhar kiaa Ha. I
Sita: Thank u G
Sham Lal: Par sundhar pher v nahi lag rahee hoo
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Sham Lalne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Sham Lalte sussu karta.
Sham Lalto nurse: Yeh piece leak karda hai badal DO
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Ek baar Sham Lal Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Sham Lal: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Sham Lal: Tu Gangubai
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Sham Laljoined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYA-NASA
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Sham Lal was drawing money from ATM. RhamLal, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Sham Lal: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Sham La lrushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
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Sham Lalfalls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Rham Lal ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Rham Lal: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Rham Lal: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
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Sham Lal asked Rham Lal: Why Manmohan Lal goes for a walk in evening?
Rham Lal: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
Sham lal: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Mr Sham Lal: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Sham lal: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Sham lal & Rham lal were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
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A sweet girl goes to Rham lal's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Rham lal sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
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Sham lal: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Rham lal: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Sham lal: Kya naam hai uska?
Rham lal: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
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Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Sham lal: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
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How did Sham lal tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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Sham lal: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Sham lal: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Sham lal: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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Sham lal ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Rham lal: Aur Sham lal, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Sham lal: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
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In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Rham lal sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
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Rham lal: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Sham lal: Suicide karne ke liye
Rham lal: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Sham lal: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
• Sham Lalbar vich ro reha tha
Rham lal: Kyon ro rahee ho?
Sham lal : aur main kya karan? Main jis ladki ko boolna catha hooo uska naam yaad hi nahin aa raha hai
• Phone ki ring baji.office main
Sham Lal : Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein office pe nahin hoon.
Rham lal: haan.. hain.
Sham Lal: Maine mana kiya that...
Rham lal: Phone mere liye tha!
• Sham Lalto a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.
• Sham Lal was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.
• Sham Lalto his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Beta: Sure dad, what do u wanna knoe...?
• Sham Lal : main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek chunhe ke liye Ek rupeya leti hai.
Rham lal: salee tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.
• Sham Lalt o Rham lal : Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chaiyee si.
Rham lal: Dost hi dost de kam atta hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar aur purse le aa.
• An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Sham Lal
Why?
B'coz he put a pin from his wife's hair when asked: Enter ur Pin
• Rham lal : Wo ladki dekh raha hai deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Sham Lal : Kaise?
Rham lal : Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'
• Sham Lalto his wife : Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
his wife, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! gaao (cow) ka moot toh pata tha ...Na jane inhone aur kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's Ford?
Sham Lal: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Sham Lal: So simple, Bail Gaadi.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sita: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Sham Lal: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Rham Lal Oh! That’s terrible.
Sham Lal: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Rham Lal He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Sham Lal: I didn't say he got out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rham Lal Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Sham Lal: It beats, beats, beats.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Professor Sham Lal asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Rham Lal is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
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Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Rham Lal "Why don't you use a mouth wash
Q: A Man asked Sham Lal, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Sham Lal bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Sham Lal whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
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Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Sham Lal: Life imprisonment!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Petrol ke rate badhne par Sham Lal bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Sham Lal: Mein tere 64 de 64 dand todd dene hai.
Ik hor aadmi ne keha Sham Lal 64 nahi 32 Dand hunde ne.
Sham Lal: patta hai tu vi bolega is layi tere vi gin laye ne.
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Master: Mein tenu kutte te essay likhan nu keha tha, Likha kyu nahi ?
Sham Lal: Ki karda master g, jidan he mein kutte te Pen rakhia woh baagh geya!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Sham Lal: I think I'll take the money.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did Sham Lal take his pregnant wife sita to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you recognize Sham Lal's son, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A lady asked Sham Lal: LIPTON di chah hai?
Sham Lal replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat jao...
102)
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Sham Lal: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Rham Lal Me too, after u leave.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Sham Lal: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Sham Lal: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
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Rham Lal ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun Rham Lal?
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GITA: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Rham Lal :Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Rham Lal What’s he studying?"
Sham Lal: He's not studying, they are studying him!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rham Lal Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Sham Lal: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Rham Lal Sham Lal u'll die.
Sham Lal: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
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Nurse: Congrats Sham Lal ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Sham Lal: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Don’t rush in love for it never runs out. Let love be the one to knock at your door, so by the time you start to fall, you know that your feeling is for sure.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What’s missing in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & you’ll get a heart! If u pick U, you’ll get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than hv a heart without U.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long!
Sham Lal phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
History teacher asked Sham Lal: Name kalidas's brother who was a shoemaker.
Sham Lal: Adidas
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Sham Lal: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal's shayari in punjabi : Kutta marr gaya razai vich, main pagal ho gaya teri judai vich, fernail te machchar beh nahi sakda, main tere bina hun reh nahi sakda.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: Bhaisahab time kya hua?
Man: Sham ke 6 baje hain!
Sham Lal: Sala, subah se pooch raha hoon, sab alag alag time bata rahe hain.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher to Sham Lal: where were you born?
Sham Lal: Thiruvananthapuram
Teacher: can u spell it?
Sham Lal (after thinking for some time): I think I was born in GOA.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal: "God, if you give me 100 rupees, I will donate 50 rupees in temple".
(After waliking some distance, he finds a 50 rupee note)
Sham Lal: "Shame on you God, you don't even trust me a little? You have already taken your share!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
While walking in the highlands Sham Lal fell down a deep hole.
Rham Lal R u ok?
Sham Lal: Yeah!
Rham Lal Did u break anything?
Sham Lal: No, there's nothing down here.
Sham Lal & Rham Lal sending sms 2 their gfs. Sham Lal:mai tere mobile se apni gf ko sms bheju dekhte hain kya kahti hai? Rham Lal No, agar usne handwriting pehchan li to...?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?
Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you changed your last job?
Sham Lal: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sham Lal's urine report got exchanged with a ladies pregnancy report.
Dr. told Sham Lal, "you are pregnant".
Angry Sham Lal shouts at wife, "Maine pehle hi kaha tha, mujhe upar rehne de".
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Sham Lal and Rham Lal went for a drive.
Sham Lal: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Rham Lal puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"
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Sham Lal (on phone): Maa, khushkhabri hai!
Maa: Bolo beta.
Sham Lal: Hum, 2 se 3 ho gaye.
Maa: Badhai ho, ladka hua ya ladki.
Sham Lal: Na ladka, na ladki. Maine doosri shaadi karli.
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Sham Lal was inserting dog's tail into pipe.
Rham Lal Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.
Sham Lal: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.
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Sham Lal's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Sham Lal consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
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Sham Lal: "Kitna padhey likhe(qualified) ho?"
Rham Lal "B.A."
Sham Lal: "Saala, 2 akshar padha, woh bhi ulta?"
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Why did Sham Lal keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
Sham Lal: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
1
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Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Sham Lal asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
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An englishman and Sham Lal inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do? Sham Lal: Good evening, we open the zip and do!
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Sham Lal to Pappu: Where's gaht in banaras?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Sham Lal: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Rham Lal?
Sham Lal: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
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Mr Sham Lal yelled at Sham Lal: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Sham Lal: Make up ur mind, which one is it gonna be!
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Sham Lal went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time Sham Lal asks: "behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?" Girl: "Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye."
1
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Sham Lal: Do you know English?
Rham Lal Yes
Sham Lal: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Rham Lal So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
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Sham Lal apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Sham Lal : I am falling in love.
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Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Sham Lal: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
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Masterji: kal school kyu nahi aaya.
Sham Lal: Gir gaya tha or lag gayi.
Masterji: kahan gire, kahan lagi?
Sham Lal: Takiye pe gira tha aur AANKH lag gayi..
Sham Lal dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Sham Lal: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Sham Lal: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
153)
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Sham Lal: Sir hun meri salary wada deyo, mera vyah ho gaya hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyaan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi.
138)
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Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Sham Lal: Very long...!
96)
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Sham Lal ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Sham Lal naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Sham Lal: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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Sham Lal: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Rham Lal Gold ring de de.
Sham Lal: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Rham Lal Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
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Rham Lal Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Sham Lal: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.
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A lady calls Sham Lal for repairing door bell.
Sham Lal doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Sham Lal replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
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Lady to inspector Sham Lal: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Sham Lal: Why don't u cook something else?
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Sham Lal waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Sham Lal in punjabi: Saaleya Morniya char laiyan, meri wari no more.
Girl: Will u marry me?
Sham Lal: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
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Sham Lal: Bhagwan suit bahut sundhar paya hai.
Sita: Thank u G
Sham Lal: Lipstick bahut sundhar laayi aa.
Sita: Thank u G.
Sham Lal: Shingaar v bahut sundhar kiaa Ha. I
Sita: Thank u G
Sham Lal: Par sundhar pher v nahi lag rahee hoo
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Sham Lalne apne nawen jamme bachche nu pakdeya per usne Sham Lalte sussu karta.
Sham Lalto nurse: Yeh piece leak karda hai badal DO
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Ek baar Sham Lal Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Sham Lal: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Sham Lal: Tu Gangubai
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Sham Laljoined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYA-NASA
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Sham Lal was drawing money from ATM. RhamLal, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Sham Lal: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
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Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Sham La lrushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
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Sham Lalfalls in love with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
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Rham Lal ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Rham Lal: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Rham Lal: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
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Sham Lal asked Rham Lal: Why Manmohan Lal goes for a walk in evening?
Rham Lal: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
Sham lal: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Mr Sham Lal: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Sham lal: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
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Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Sham lal & Rham lal were struck for 48 hrs on escalators
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A sweet girl goes to Rham lal's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Rham lal sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
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Sham lal: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Rham lal: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Sham lal: Kya naam hai uska?
Rham lal: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
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Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Sham lal: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
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How did Sham lal tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.
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Sham lal: I have swallowed a kay.
Doctor: When?
Sham lal: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Sham lal: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
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Sham lal ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Rham lal: Aur Sham lal, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Sham lal: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
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In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Rham lal sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
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Rham lal: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Sham lal: Suicide karne ke liye
Rham lal: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Sham lal: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
• Sham Lalbar vich ro reha tha
Rham lal: Kyon ro rahee ho?
Sham lal : aur main kya karan? Main jis ladki ko boolna catha hooo uska naam yaad hi nahin aa raha hai
• Phone ki ring baji.office main
Sham Lal : Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein office pe nahin hoon.
Rham lal: haan.. hain.
Sham Lal: Maine mana kiya that...
Rham lal: Phone mere liye tha!
• Sham Lalto a doc: Apne nurse bahut achchi rakhi hai, uska haath lagtey hi mein theek ho gaya.
Doc: Jaanta hoon, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.
• Sham Lal was writing the passive voice of 'I made a mistake.'
He wrote: I was made by a mistake.
• Sham Lalto his son: I think it's right time we should talk about sex!
Beta: Sure dad, what do u wanna knoe...?
• Sham Lal : main badi mushkil mein hoon. Meri biwi mujhse ek chunhe ke liye Ek rupeya leti hai.
Rham lal: salee tu lucky hai, auron se to woh 5 rupye leti hai.
• Sham Lalt o Rham lal : Main apna purse ghar bhool aaya, mainu 1000 Rs chaiyee si.
Rham lal: Dost hi dost de kam atta hai, le 10 Rs, riksha kar aur purse le aa.
• An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Sham Lal
Why?
B'coz he put a pin from his wife's hair when asked: Enter ur Pin
• Rham lal : Wo ladki dekh raha hai deaf lagti hai. Main kuch kehta hoon, woh kuch aur hi bolti hai.
Sham Lal : Kaise?
Rham lal : Maine kaha I Luv U, to woh boli 'Maine kal hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'
• Sham Lalto his wife : Kaisi sabzi banai hai, bilkul Gobar jaisa swad hai.
his wife, maatha peet te hue: Hey bhagwan! gaao (cow) ka moot toh pata tha ...Na jane inhone aur kya-kya kha ke dekha hua hai.